With a title like this you might assume that I am suggesting that having two ears means that we should use them twice as much as we use our mouth. You are right. Practicing good listening skills is a very powerful way to say you care for another person or at some level you are valuing them. This will be helpful in all kinds of relationships including but not limited too husband – wife, employee – employer, parent – child, doctor – patient, etc.
The use of the most basic listening skill, content listening, in which you convey back to the speaker what you have heard and get their acknowledgement of your having heard them correctly is a powerful relationship tool.
Most of us hear around 20% of what is being said and then we proceed in our minds to start forming our response. We can begin to build a statement of agreement or opposition but in either case we are no longer clearly hearing what the speaker is saying. When, we respond with our statement without confirming what we have heard the door is then open to confusion and argument. It can also lead to each person “building their case” even in situations that they agree on but they have not clearly heard each other.
The simple use of a phrase like, “this is what I heard you say”, and then waiting to hear the other person’s agreement that you have heard them builds a foundation for clear communication even when you disagree. We all have a need to feel significant and real listening to a person gives them a sense of value and significance.
We encourage you to use your ears well today.
Dave & Gail
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