Cherish and Admire

Cherish and Admire

            Relationships are rarely easy but there are aspects that can be simple if we take them in small segments.  Take for example the effort to meet your spouse or significant other’s needs.  Let’s pare that down to a single need that is present in most men and a different single need that is present in most women.

            Men, most women have a deep desire to be cherished and known.  They usually experience that by a man taking the time to listen to them without responding like the man has to fix any feeling or issue the woman mentions.  Most men act as fixers and therefore do not listen as carefully as they might at the beginning of a dating relationship.  Men, she does not need your answers (unless asked for) what she needs is your willingness to really hear her out and often in the hearing she is able to deal with any need that she wants changed

            Ladies, most men have a deep though rarely expressed need to feel admired and appreciated.  He will not be likely to tell you of this need nor be able to give much thanks for your meeting it.  However, you can have a great positive impact on your man if you will make extra effort to verbally express to him or about him to others in his presence how much you appreciate or admire him.  That will go a long way in keeping his interest strongly in you.

            Please do not wait for the other to “deserve” your listening or appreciation.  Simply give those as your gift to your partner and the long term health of your relationship.

My Life Today and the History that Influenced it...

The mail came today and in it were magazines from the two most important organizations in my life, the Young Life Relationship magazine and the Penn Stater.   I spent about an hour reading them and being reminded of my past, my present and my future.

In July of 1963 I went from Washington D.C. to Buena Vista, Colorado to Young Life’s Frontier Ranch.  What happened there was a lot of fun, tremendous activity and very meaningful conversations about Jesus Christ.  On the side of Mt. Princeton on July 3, 1963 I responded to all that had been going on in my life and at camp by giving my life to Jesus.

Within a few months the change began to occur.  I was reading the bible regularly and discussing it with our Young Life leader and other high school guys at a “campaigners” weekly meeting.  I went from being pretty much a loner to becoming part of something, Young Life club.  And instead of wishing I would not have to go to college I began to realize that I wanted to attend Penn State to become able to help others.

My original college purpose was to go through a pre-med course of study and end up a psychiatrist.  A few struggles in college trigonometry deterred that but I graduated with a BS in psychology.  But the big influence during those four years was being drawn in with four other guys who were from Pennsylvania and had been involved in Young Life too. 

Together we started and established the Centre County Young Life organization and in the process saw how powerfully God could bring things together to reach high school kids with His gospel.

Here I am now at 66 years of age and still the things that impact me the most are the relationship with Jesus Christ that got started through the ministry of Young Life and the education and social experience I had at Penn State that set me up to practice leadership throughout my life. 

I am so very thankful to walk with the God of the universe  whose desire is to fill me and lead me to be the very expression of who he created me to be and to be connected to the organizations through which He primarily influenced me.

Warmth and Concern:

Warmth and Concern - Encouraging another’s mind and emotions through hearty kindness in words and actions.

a. Share verbally kind words of love and support

b. Practice appropriate physical touch – hugs, handshakes, etc.

c. With sensitivity enter another’s space with positive intent

When we express warmth and concern to others we actually open our own souls to the experience of that same closeness and relational invitation. We encourage you to practice expressing warmth and concern not based on your feelings but solely based on the presence of Christ in you and His grace and mercy living from within you.

Growing a Relationship through Admiration

Would you like to improve every relationship that you are in....?


One of the most powerful ways that you can have healthy relationships at all levels in your life is to become one who initiates helping others get their basic needs meet.


One need that we all have is to be admired. We tend to look to others to meet that need is us instead of seeing each relationship we are in as an opportunity to help others get the need met. Below are several ways to give admiration to another:


1. Verbalize positive recognition of good character in the other person.


2. Acknowledge positive words used or action taken by the other person.


3. Value the other person by what you say publically about them to others.


We hope all your relationships will be helped as you put this into practice.


Dave and Gail

Everyday Opportunities

To quote Oswald Chambers," Ministering in everyday opportunities means being God's very special choice to be available for use in any of the seemingly random surroundings which He has engineered. " Even as I realize the truth about that statement I have to also recognize that life is not about me it is about Him.

When I am caught up in what God can do for me then I lose sight of the overwhelming focus of God through Jesus Christ which is redemption of the whole world. He wants my availablity not my expectations of His service of me. As I take the focus off me I experience more of the freedom that He has already given me in a relationship with Him. And I become more likely able to hear His call to join Him in the redemptive plan for this world.

As I attempt to challenge myself to move in this direction may I invite you along too.

The Importance of Giving Yourself

Robert Lupton spent twenty years of his life directing a nonprofit organization in Atlanta that helped urban poor to live productive and self sustaining lives. He made this statement, "The greatest poverty is the inability to give." In our culture the everyday message from advertising to personal conversation seems to focus on what we can get for ourselves.

Recently I read a small book by Randy Alcorn entitled The Treasury Principal. The essence of this book for me was again the value in our lives of giving especially in the area of our financial resources.

What I am reading and experiencing is the deep sense of meaning in life that comes when we have the freedom to give in all aspects of life...time, money, friendship, etc. I like to use the example if you are a believer that one of God's character qualities is giving and when we give it is as if we become a conduit of His life flowing through us to another and in the process a deposit of that Eternal Life is left in us.

Giving is one of the great evidences of freedom in our lives. We rarely give when we operate in fear, anxiety or depresssion and yet, for anyone suffering in any of the three aforementioned conditions, giving might result in some real help when they can look outside themselves. What they may need most is a deposit of that Life into their own.

Paying it forward, giving without expectation of return, is another expression of the hope and freedom that comes from giving. I would love to hear from you about how giving has unintentionally become a vehicle of encouragement in your life.

Importance of Deep Relationships

This morning I was reading in a place that I don't usually pick up ideas for relationships, the book of Leviticus in the Bible. The passages were all about what the Israelites had to do if they sinned to receive forgiveness. What hit me was the detail of the description and the impact on me was that God wanted a continuing relationship with His people and He prescribed very specific things to be done for that relationship to be continued.

Where this took me was am I willing to go through whatever efforts it might take for me to remain in relationship with others? Will I forgive others when they hurt or offend me? Will I seek their forgiveness when I hurt or offend them? Am I willing to seek others out and build relationship even when we simply disagree or have waned in our expressions of friendship, family or love? How important are the relationships in my life?

As a male I may have fewer inclinations towards relationships than a female might but as a human being I am designed at some level to be a social being. In the cultures I grew up in relationships were often not deeply encouraged or pursued. Now as I have read this morning I am more aware of the effort and time that relationships take.

It is fascinating to me that this is the subject that brought me back to this blog after such a long time of non involvement. I truly hope that over time this will be another place to learn and grow with others as I share about relationships and as I learn from any who might read and respond.